My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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