Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
