I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
