Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
