You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
