The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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