nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
