I got chris browned last night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
