she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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