I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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