He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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