paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
being pregnant is like rehab
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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