Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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