Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
