im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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