last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
