Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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