Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
