I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
