theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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