I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This is the high leading the old right now
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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