You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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