i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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