Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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