Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
