I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
