see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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