where am i from again
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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