I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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