Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
one two three fourrrrnication!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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