it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
