I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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