i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
