He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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