Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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