I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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