I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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