C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Someone shit on the floor
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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