Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
