Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
