drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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