I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
