I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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