Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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