And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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