Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
