i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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