Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
