Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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