Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
