I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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