so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
