is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
