we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
