I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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