shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
