is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
