that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How drunk are you?
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