Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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