All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
