Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
