First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
