If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
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I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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