Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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