Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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