He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
