i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
