I love black thongs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
