Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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