What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
