what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
